what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
