Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
