I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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