My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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