Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
