I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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