After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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