Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My hand turned me down
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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