is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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