Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
