This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
