So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
