At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
