lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
