Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
