Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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