I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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