thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I am mentally ready for anal.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
