I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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