my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
