The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
