I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
