that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
