My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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