I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
