Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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