his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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