the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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