Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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