I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
