if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
