Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It was like getting head from an anaconda
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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