I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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