u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
