Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
