dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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