my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
