Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
