his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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