the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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