So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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