no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
