Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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