so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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