he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
