Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
