Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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