Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
