I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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