The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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