True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
