I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
